- Check your departure time and then double check to make sure that you are NOT looking at your flight time. Flight time would be how long your plane will be in the air. It is NOT the time when your plane is departing.
- Arrive early.... at the right terminal. Running through the airport with all your luggage screaming,"wait! wait! wait!"... is not as funny as it looks.
- Make sure you have seats on your flight and that your travel agent didn't book you on standby so that you could save a few bucks. This is especially important if you just ran through the airport to catch your flight.
- Take your cell phone out of your pocket before going through the security portal seven times.
- Come to the airport naked. Dressing then undressing and redressing just takes up too much time.
- Don't say the following words while in the security line:"Bomb, Gun, Knife, Explosion, Down with America, or anything threatening... like "I am going to kill you if I don't make my flight."
- If you have a blue tooth earpiece ... do not wear it on the plane. You look crazy talking to yourself without a cellphone in your hand.... OR..better yet, do everyone a favor and DON'T talk on your cell phone at all when you get on the plane. It may surprise you to know that no one really wants to know that much about you.
- If you snore and you know that you snore because people have told you that you do.... DO NOT under ANY circumstances ... FALL ASLEEP! Drink as much coffee as you need to.
- NEVER watch a tragic movie like Love Story or My Girl or Steel Magnolias or anything 9/11 related on a plane. I don't even understand why these movies would be a consideration....
- There is no need to rush off the plane unless you have to catch another flight or you brought your luggage on board with you. Otherwise you are just hurrying up to wait longer at baggage claim.
- And while your at the baggage claim... there is NO need to stand right up against the carousel in everyone's way. Paint dries faster than the luggage is removed from the airplane. If you do feel the need to stand there, don't act all surprised when someone shoves you suddenly out of the way and then hurls their suitcase at you.
aaaa.... that was cathartic.
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