Living and Teaching in Los Angeles

1. I am white. If I stand against a white board seven students in my classroom shout... "Where'd ya go, Mrs. Chultz?" .........................H I L A R I O U S
   
   
2. I needed a new moniker. Fraggle and Peaches weren't going to work here. Tim became "T Shizzle" because there izzle a propizzle way of saying "fo' shizzle". My students graciously anointed me "OC" which you would think stands for Orange County, but alas... it doesn't. It is a play on the term "OG" which I apparently stands for "original gangster"... Evidently, I am now the Original Casper.
   
3. I am no longer Ms. Smith. Ms Smith was an innocent white girl from Orange County...No one knows who she is. Mrs. Chultz is more ghetto, a derivative of "da hood." It took me three months to realize that I was "Mrs. Chultz" and since then I have weathered several minor identity crises as have I discovered that there are seventeen different ways to pronounce and spell my married name. It ranges from Miss Shocks to Miss Shoe.
   
   
4. Talking with your hands doesn't translate well... you may inadvertently throw sign and a get a room full of students all riled up over nothing.
   
5. There is a proper way to refer to fitty cents whether you are talking about currency or the rapper. I have been told that I have not yet mastered that skill and to stop trying.
   
   
6. I discovered the reason why you never ask a student to translate the meaning of "pop it like its hot." or any rap lyric for that matter, unless you already know the answer.
   
7. Graffiti is a pop culture art form. As much as I have learned to appreciate it as such, I wish my car wasn't the canvas.
   
8. Left hand turn signals are a luxury. These luxuries are not afforded the citizens of LA county. When there is one... you learn treasure it. I don't know how many times I have nearly lost my life trying to make left because I automatically followed the car in front me as he accelerated through a six-lane intersection. .....so now I plan my routes around rights turns.
   
9. Nothing is fast in LA. I still don't know why I ever thought it was a fast paced place to live. Half of my life is spent either waiting to turn left at a signal or on the 405/101 junction waiting to move that next inch if only that fricking car would move out of the flipping way....
   
10. Soooo, I discovered that I innately knew how to use the "F" word in every part of speech. This is not my favorite discovery, but it came upon me in traffic one day.
    
11. I also have discovered that the phrase, 'Big Ass," can be used to describe just about anything, and the kids told me the etymology is derived from an abbreviation of the phrase..."big as an elephant..."
    
    By the way, these are the same kids who think the chorus in the song, "Show Stoppers" by Danity Kane is saying "Schulz, stop it, Schulz Schulz stop it" instead of "show stoppers, show, show stoppers." And I am lucky enough to be serenaded with their version of that chorus every time I ask them to do something.
    
    
12. From that, I discovered that I can carry on an argument that begins with "Nuh Huh..." for approximately 12 minutes before I realize that I am not 12 years old.
    
    
13. I have also learned that evidently I could never be caught "riddin dirrty", but apparently the image of me "white and nerdy" is entirely welcomed.